Mom and Dad

Sometimes in life, you reflect. Back on your past, about who you really are, where you really belong and so on and so forth. I was never a deep thinker, but I did steal my moments of deep thought from time to time.

One thing I learnt over the past 6 years, with all my struggle and traumatic trysts with destiny, is that we tend to forget. Or maybe its just me. Years ago, I was in an accident when I thought I was killed. I almost saw it in my face. It was a swooping experience. (I did get out of it nearly unscathed!) All I could think in my head was, "Please God! Not here, not in this country, let me just live another two days, and then I don't mind dying" (I was going to India in a couple days)

After that moment, I thought, hereafter in life, I would be glad just to be alive. Glad to just be able to walk on the ground. But alas! No sooner had that shock worn off, I was back neck-deep in my life and its strifes and its struggles. Forgetting all about the sheer joy in just being alive. I usually never complain when things don't go right, but I think, if only I had thought about how I felt right after that accident, maybe my hardships wouldn't have seemed so hard upon me:) I would have been glad just to be able to face them:)

Well, anyway, I am trailing away. The point in the opening example is that we tend to forget. As new experiences shape our lives, we tend to forget the old ones which have made us into what we are already. As things change, as people around us change, after the initial shock of change as worn away and we accept stuff like it is, we begin to think that the world was like this since the day we were born. And yet it is not true. The world was different. We were once young and helpless.

There was once a time in my life when I totally depended on the two people that are my Mom and Dad, for everything. There was once a time, when I couldn't do anything on my own, when there was nothing that they didn't do for me. I always tried to keep this at the back of my mind as I was growing up. No matter what happened, I always owed them that care they showed in my earliest years.

Then came a time when I had to move out of that cocoon. Out of that closeted world into the one wide beyond. I still grin when I think of that times back in 2001, when I was in the habit of being the one-from-whom-everyone-sought-advice so much, that I thought I was totally mature and ready to handle anything life threw at me. Cocksure. Even headstrong. But it was not to be. Life teaches you in its own ways! Only when I had to entirely take my life in my own hands, did I realize how much more I had to learn (including how to file income tax returns! yeah believe me, that was the biggest deal for me back then;) ) It was only then that I realized (that much more) how much my parents had been a protection over me those 21 years of my life.

If I have to write about it, a single blog wouldn't suffice. So ..

Whatever else might have happened, there is one thing that I am thankful to them singularly for. Above everything else. That is, they let me shape my life like I wanted. I never once asked them if I could do what I wanted to do. I just used to tell them that this is what I planned and they would agree with it completely, trusting me to be capable of handling its consequences. Never questioned me. Had confidence in me. Which made me stronger. Whenever I ran into trouble in the path that I chose, if for nothing except that I should not let them down, I mowed on. I bulldozed, I made sure that the choice didn't go completely wrong. If I was a fighter, it was because they made me one by showing me that they trusted me to fight my own battle:)

Today, in a distant land, I think of them. So many things have happened. So much has changed since I left my closeted world. As I near completing six years in the US, I feel I owe a them deep thought once more. To the two people who made me what I am. Wherever I might stand today, they are the ones that gave me the foundation on which I have grown, built wings and now fly!

I hope I never forget this...