Today its been four years since we lost my mother-in-law. Cannot believe it. at every critical juncture in our lives, we feel the loss. If she were around she would be so happy and what not. But, such is life. We miss her and hope we make her proud wherever she is!
Showing posts with label Sad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sad. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 24, 2015
Saturday, November 24, 2012
One year already.
Today, it has been a year since my mother in law passed away from us. How this year has gone by, no idea. Initially the pain was very palpable. The sudden absence of one person whom we have been living with. Gradually we got used to the new state of things. For the past one week, many things came back from last year. But I was fighting to think of only the good things from very many years ago when she was still relatively healthy and active and took great happiness in life.
No one knows what happens to those that pass away, unfortunately there is no way to find out. I often wonder what must have become of the soul, if there is some such thing as a soul. Where it must be, if it was watching over what we were doing and all that. Or was it just a scientific, clinical passing, and post the brain stopping, there was nothing else.
If the soul is living on, I hope she is happy when she looks on us. That is all we can wish for now.
No one knows what happens to those that pass away, unfortunately there is no way to find out. I often wonder what must have become of the soul, if there is some such thing as a soul. Where it must be, if it was watching over what we were doing and all that. Or was it just a scientific, clinical passing, and post the brain stopping, there was nothing else.
If the soul is living on, I hope she is happy when she looks on us. That is all we can wish for now.
Friday, September 07, 2012
Guilty!
So a colleague recently came back from the US and kept getting us Lindor Truffles everyday. Day before yesterday, I was feeling fattened by them, so I decided to keep them in my office to eat later. There was also a Ghirardelli Square (86% dark, let's just call it GD)
Yesterday morning, I checked and both Lindors were gone, along with my bag of raisins, which I normally stock (mostly for eating with Lindt 90% dark chocolate - if you have not tried it, you are missing something). The GD and the bag of dates were intact.
So I sent an email to campus security, notifying them of this incident. Since I assumed, the folks who ate the other stuff were not interested in the dates and GD that they left behind, I let them be where they were.
This morning, those also were gone. I sent them an email again and lamented the incident. In 15 minutes, two officers were in my cabin, explaining that the night cleaning crew had admitted to eating stuff. Normally they are accompanied by security officers while the cabin is unlocked and cleaned. Apparently the food was shared with generous good-will amongst everyone (partners in crime). And they also informed me that both parties were terminated. Terminated! I felt a jolt and a pang of guilt. I just caused two folks a job-loss :( I repeatedly asked the security officers if they cannot just let them go with a warning. They said they cannot :(
This is the classic dharam-sankat. On the one side, there is the argument that this time it was food, next time it can be something more precious (I have lost photographs earlier when I was occupying a cube, since which I stopped putting anything outside, till I moved into a cabin, assuming that since I lock it, the stuff is safe). Or that it was the right thing to do so more people don't start seeing thefts. But then on the other side, was a little bit of food worth a job for a couple of men? :(
I guess the midde-ground is that I stop stocking any food, so I don't tempt anybody into flicking it off in the first place. Is that a win-win for everyone?
Oh god!
Yesterday morning, I checked and both Lindors were gone, along with my bag of raisins, which I normally stock (mostly for eating with Lindt 90% dark chocolate - if you have not tried it, you are missing something). The GD and the bag of dates were intact.
So I sent an email to campus security, notifying them of this incident. Since I assumed, the folks who ate the other stuff were not interested in the dates and GD that they left behind, I let them be where they were.
This morning, those also were gone. I sent them an email again and lamented the incident. In 15 minutes, two officers were in my cabin, explaining that the night cleaning crew had admitted to eating stuff. Normally they are accompanied by security officers while the cabin is unlocked and cleaned. Apparently the food was shared with generous good-will amongst everyone (partners in crime). And they also informed me that both parties were terminated. Terminated! I felt a jolt and a pang of guilt. I just caused two folks a job-loss :( I repeatedly asked the security officers if they cannot just let them go with a warning. They said they cannot :(
This is the classic dharam-sankat. On the one side, there is the argument that this time it was food, next time it can be something more precious (I have lost photographs earlier when I was occupying a cube, since which I stopped putting anything outside, till I moved into a cabin, assuming that since I lock it, the stuff is safe). Or that it was the right thing to do so more people don't start seeing thefts. But then on the other side, was a little bit of food worth a job for a couple of men? :(
I guess the midde-ground is that I stop stocking any food, so I don't tempt anybody into flicking it off in the first place. Is that a win-win for everyone?
Oh god!
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Varalakshmi Vratam
Tomorrow is the Varalakshmi Vratam which is a puja observed typically on the second Friday of the Shravan month of the Indian Calendar.
My mother in law particularly loved this one. She always used to decorate the goddess' idol very lovingly with all her artistic skills imbibed and also adorn it with various types of jewellery, both expensive and fancy.
Every year since we moved, we've done this together, once at their place in Hyderabad and the rest of the years in our place here.
Every year, her health declined progressively.
Every year, she used to breathe a sigh of relief after the puja was over and thank the goddess for giving her enough strength to sit through it for yet another year. In 2010 too, she made all the traditional food items like gaarelu and boorelu (this she used to make just for me, since I loved them).
Last year though, she was not able to even start it. In the middle of the cooking, she sort of lost her strength and just had to sit in one place. I finished the rest of the cooking (I still remember the yucky semiya payasam I made - it was my first time) and did the puja while she watched from a chair at the back.
I could see how this broke her from inside. Every year, it was a measure of her strength in her assessment. Last year she failed it. After that puja, she alluded to how this maybe her last one in some vague terms.
And how sadly true it turned out to be :(
My mother in law particularly loved this one. She always used to decorate the goddess' idol very lovingly with all her artistic skills imbibed and also adorn it with various types of jewellery, both expensive and fancy.
Every year since we moved, we've done this together, once at their place in Hyderabad and the rest of the years in our place here.
Every year, her health declined progressively.
Every year, she used to breathe a sigh of relief after the puja was over and thank the goddess for giving her enough strength to sit through it for yet another year. In 2010 too, she made all the traditional food items like gaarelu and boorelu (this she used to make just for me, since I loved them).
Last year though, she was not able to even start it. In the middle of the cooking, she sort of lost her strength and just had to sit in one place. I finished the rest of the cooking (I still remember the yucky semiya payasam I made - it was my first time) and did the puja while she watched from a chair at the back.
I could see how this broke her from inside. Every year, it was a measure of her strength in her assessment. Last year she failed it. After that puja, she alluded to how this maybe her last one in some vague terms.
And how sadly true it turned out to be :(
Tomorrow also happens to be Subhash's birthday by birthdate. Both my Mom and Dad were born on the puja day so it's both their birthdays too, the son also finishes 34 months tomorrow.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Two months..
Today was another monthly ceremony for Subhash's mom. We did it at home and crossing fingers for that. This time we both were worried about being able to do it at home since we were having a tough time finding the right purohit/cook for it. Thanks to his aunts, in no small way, we finally found and closed on Friday night within 2-3 hours!! And slept in peace. Today we started around noon and wrapped up around 3.30. One more down, 11 more to go. I am hoping and wishing we can get everything done as per plan, at home.
Two months past how is life? Routine, moving at a nice comfortable pace. We get adjusted one more bit every day.
Somehow I felt in the few days following her death, that going forward, we don't have to worry about anything. Somehow, through some unknown medium, I think a message came across to me that she will take care of things for us going forward. When things go wrong, I actually feel someone is fixing them up. Or making it a little less painful to bear. I believe it is her, maybe it is just my faith :)
Again, whenever I look back on the past year, I feel good that we did what best we could for her. Especially in that last 10 days she was at home. I fed her the last meal she ever had. Gave her the last bath she ever took. Huge satisfaction factors. No regrets. I think this keeps me in peace.
Two months past how is life? Routine, moving at a nice comfortable pace. We get adjusted one more bit every day.
Somehow I felt in the few days following her death, that going forward, we don't have to worry about anything. Somehow, through some unknown medium, I think a message came across to me that she will take care of things for us going forward. When things go wrong, I actually feel someone is fixing them up. Or making it a little less painful to bear. I believe it is her, maybe it is just my faith :)
Again, whenever I look back on the past year, I feel good that we did what best we could for her. Especially in that last 10 days she was at home. I fed her the last meal she ever had. Gave her the last bath she ever took. Huge satisfaction factors. No regrets. I think this keeps me in peace.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
RIP, Ma
WARNING: This is a long post. Please feel free to skip. This is more to document my thoughts so I can read them many days hence.
Subhash's mom passed away on Thursday, November 24th. She has left a void which I am sure we have not half assessed or felt yet. It will hit us gradually and slowly. Here is an open letter to her from me, I am sure she can never read it but I am hoping that she can read my mind wherever she is. RIP, Ma, you will be terribly missed.
Dear Ma,
I think of many things about you. It is a collage of thoughts, I cannot straighten them out.
I think of the time I wrote you that first email addressing you as aunty and uncle, wondering how you would take it.
I think of the time when you asked me what colour saree I wanted for the engagement and I said brinjal colour and you actually got me one.
I think of the time you got me that plate of food at our wedding without anyone seeing it so I could eat, since I was very nervous about going hungry till noon. This you did for me alone, while Subhash married on an empty stomach.
I think of the time when you were nervous about coming to the US, getting a visa etc, we used to talk everyday, several times a day.
I remember the joy I felt when I got you to the US. I was showing you our world, and I was quite happy I was able to come to India and take you back, I felt proud that I did the same for you like I did it for my own parents.
I remember you called us as soon as you reached Boston and were happy like a girl because you were able to see and meet Anna.
I remember your child like delight when we went to Disney. I see the pictures and I think, wow!
I remember how much you walked in Vegas. It seems so distant. We covered the entire strip many times in those few days.
I remember how you offered to help S with her wedding rituals when we went to LA.
A remembers you Ma. She says she remembers how you were the only one who offered to help her out with prasadam, when they had their housewarming ceremony.
I remember that yellow wool you got with you from India before leaving for the US so you could knit a sweater for me. You were not very happy with the finish (it was loose) but I always wore it (even to work) just because you'd always be so happy when I did. I am wearing it today (it is cold here, do you know) and wondering are you happy now too?
I remember those UNO games we all used to play and your child-like happiness when you'd win :)
I remember how you insisted I get a chain too when we went shopping for you for your birthday in 2007, exactly 4 years ago, to the date today.
I remember how happy you were that we were moving back. I am awfully glad that we moved back when we did, while you were still able to go around and travel.
I remember how you never let me do anything while we were in your domain in Hyd. Although you were not well, you'd never let me cook or do anything else. If you wouldn't be able to do it, you would arrange for someone to do it, but never let me.
I remember how happy you were when we bought this house and moved into it. I was so happy when we finally got you here and showed you all the renovations we did and when you said it was all so awesome. You were so proud of us! I don't know if I am happy or sad that we had to give you a farewell and send you on your last journey from this same house.
I remember how happy you were when you heard we were expecting. You told me it would be a boy. And I used to tell everyone confidently that it would be a boy. And when they asked me, I'd say, Subhash's mom told me so. Needless to say, they'd be puzzled. Well, we did have a boy!
I remember how you climbed three flights of stairs in spite of it being totally out of your physical power just so you could see Rohan quicker and not wait for the power to be back.
I remember how you arranged for most things for his pujas and naming ceremony. All we had to do was fly to Hyd!
I remember how you'd want to make so many things for him to eat when he went to regular school. I feel sad, you could never finish this dream. I am sure just like Anna and Thammu, Rohan would also have enjoyed your elaborate meal preparations for school's dabba.
I remember how concerned you were about my stressful job and how I had to manage the house, the baby and the job. I know the guilt always stabbed at you horribly. And I was helpless to fix that :(
I remember how you took it on you to do a lot of things which you didn't have to do, for people purely related to me and not concerned with you whatsoever.
I remember how you enjoyed being there for Rohan's major milestones, the naming ceremony, the annaprasana, the first birthday, the second birthday, the aksharabhyasam. We thought, the next and only thing left is the odugu, I wonder if you knew during that conversation that you wouldn't be there to witness that :(
I remember how you bought Rohan his first bicycle. And were happy that he loved it.
I remember how you always let me know whatever little compliments other people paid me. You never missed telling me.
I remember how you said, "You have done so much for me, I can never repay you". After this, you didn't say much else the rest of the days you were at home. You simply were not able to :(
There have been some really awesome times ma and some amazing memories too. You have done so much for me, I cannot simply wrap my arms around it to measure. There were some moments of friction towards the end in the last year or two, but I am glad they were not so big as to glare in the radar. My fault at most times, I admit. I should have adjusted more. I am sorry I did not. The other day, during our last conversation, I forgot one most important thing. To say sorry for all the times I might have hurt you. But now it is too late for it. I hope you can receive my apologies now wherever you are.
Everyone was around you when you finally left. Except me. And Rohan. You didn't want me to see you going. Or maybe you figured that I didn't want to see you going and being the understanding person that you always were, didn't let me go through that pain. I came and saw you, peaceful, detached, finally away in some happy place, far away from all the troubles that beset you here. I hope you will come down once in a while to watch over us. And give us advice in your own way on how to do things or what is best.
RIP Ma, we will all miss you terribly.
Subhash's mom passed away on Thursday, November 24th. She has left a void which I am sure we have not half assessed or felt yet. It will hit us gradually and slowly. Here is an open letter to her from me, I am sure she can never read it but I am hoping that she can read my mind wherever she is. RIP, Ma, you will be terribly missed.
Dear Ma,
I think of many things about you. It is a collage of thoughts, I cannot straighten them out.
I think of the time I wrote you that first email addressing you as aunty and uncle, wondering how you would take it.
I think of the time when you asked me what colour saree I wanted for the engagement and I said brinjal colour and you actually got me one.
I think of the time you got me that plate of food at our wedding without anyone seeing it so I could eat, since I was very nervous about going hungry till noon. This you did for me alone, while Subhash married on an empty stomach.
I think of the time when you were nervous about coming to the US, getting a visa etc, we used to talk everyday, several times a day.
I remember the joy I felt when I got you to the US. I was showing you our world, and I was quite happy I was able to come to India and take you back, I felt proud that I did the same for you like I did it for my own parents.
I remember you called us as soon as you reached Boston and were happy like a girl because you were able to see and meet Anna.
I remember your child like delight when we went to Disney. I see the pictures and I think, wow!
I remember how much you walked in Vegas. It seems so distant. We covered the entire strip many times in those few days.
I remember how you offered to help S with her wedding rituals when we went to LA.
A remembers you Ma. She says she remembers how you were the only one who offered to help her out with prasadam, when they had their housewarming ceremony.
I remember that yellow wool you got with you from India before leaving for the US so you could knit a sweater for me. You were not very happy with the finish (it was loose) but I always wore it (even to work) just because you'd always be so happy when I did. I am wearing it today (it is cold here, do you know) and wondering are you happy now too?
I remember those UNO games we all used to play and your child-like happiness when you'd win :)
I remember how you insisted I get a chain too when we went shopping for you for your birthday in 2007, exactly 4 years ago, to the date today.
I remember how happy you were that we were moving back. I am awfully glad that we moved back when we did, while you were still able to go around and travel.
I remember how you never let me do anything while we were in your domain in Hyd. Although you were not well, you'd never let me cook or do anything else. If you wouldn't be able to do it, you would arrange for someone to do it, but never let me.
I remember how happy you were when we bought this house and moved into it. I was so happy when we finally got you here and showed you all the renovations we did and when you said it was all so awesome. You were so proud of us! I don't know if I am happy or sad that we had to give you a farewell and send you on your last journey from this same house.
I remember how happy you were when you heard we were expecting. You told me it would be a boy. And I used to tell everyone confidently that it would be a boy. And when they asked me, I'd say, Subhash's mom told me so. Needless to say, they'd be puzzled. Well, we did have a boy!
I remember how you climbed three flights of stairs in spite of it being totally out of your physical power just so you could see Rohan quicker and not wait for the power to be back.
I remember how you arranged for most things for his pujas and naming ceremony. All we had to do was fly to Hyd!
I remember how you'd want to make so many things for him to eat when he went to regular school. I feel sad, you could never finish this dream. I am sure just like Anna and Thammu, Rohan would also have enjoyed your elaborate meal preparations for school's dabba.
I remember how concerned you were about my stressful job and how I had to manage the house, the baby and the job. I know the guilt always stabbed at you horribly. And I was helpless to fix that :(
I remember how you took it on you to do a lot of things which you didn't have to do, for people purely related to me and not concerned with you whatsoever.
I remember how you enjoyed being there for Rohan's major milestones, the naming ceremony, the annaprasana, the first birthday, the second birthday, the aksharabhyasam. We thought, the next and only thing left is the odugu, I wonder if you knew during that conversation that you wouldn't be there to witness that :(
I remember how you bought Rohan his first bicycle. And were happy that he loved it.
I remember how you always let me know whatever little compliments other people paid me. You never missed telling me.
I remember how you said, "You have done so much for me, I can never repay you". After this, you didn't say much else the rest of the days you were at home. You simply were not able to :(
There have been some really awesome times ma and some amazing memories too. You have done so much for me, I cannot simply wrap my arms around it to measure. There were some moments of friction towards the end in the last year or two, but I am glad they were not so big as to glare in the radar. My fault at most times, I admit. I should have adjusted more. I am sorry I did not. The other day, during our last conversation, I forgot one most important thing. To say sorry for all the times I might have hurt you. But now it is too late for it. I hope you can receive my apologies now wherever you are.
Everyone was around you when you finally left. Except me. And Rohan. You didn't want me to see you going. Or maybe you figured that I didn't want to see you going and being the understanding person that you always were, didn't let me go through that pain. I came and saw you, peaceful, detached, finally away in some happy place, far away from all the troubles that beset you here. I hope you will come down once in a while to watch over us. And give us advice in your own way on how to do things or what is best.
RIP Ma, we will all miss you terribly.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Pensive and sad
Subhash's mom has been in and out of ICUs for the past four months. She has had ERD (End stage Renal Disease) for the past 4-5 years and was going through dialysis. Since June though, she had become susceptible to a lot of problems resulting from other organs getting weak. We had to move her into ICU on Diwali and she spent two weeks in Manipal before coming home last Wednesday and we had to take her back the next week Saturday, after 10 days, again, since she was seeming lost to everything that day. Since this Saturday it has been a long wait for everyone. Waiting for some deliverance. Some conclusion. Some miracle. Today the docs have decided to move her back to the ward since they don't think ICU will help any longer.
How sad is this for her. I cannot imagine why anyone would think this an appropriate thing to mete out to her, even if it is God. She has always helped others in whatever way she could. I don't think she deserves a time like this. Yesterday I went to see her in the ICU, we called out her name several times but she didn't respond. I had hardened myself for the worse a few weeks ago, and still, I wanted to cry. Her plight was tearing at my heart. So many pipes and tubes and that oxygen mask on her face and she was just lying there, oblivious to everything.
Yesterday, when I saw her lying there, I remembered the first time I saw her, she had cut out this big watermelon for me, my mom and sis when Subhash took us home en route to a friend's place. Later, several years past, she told me, he had never got any girl home till then so she knew I must be someone she was going to have a long association with. She was always very active, hated sitting back and letting others work, always wanted to help and felt hopelessly guilty when she could not help in spite of wanting to because of her weakness. Today, I remember a lot of things about her, our long phone conversations, how she shared everything that bothered her all her life with me. My father in law would never let her say anything negative about anyone and so wouldn't her sons. So whatever she needed to vent, she did with her sister and all that and some more with me. I wonder, is there something she wants to say to me now? I have no way of knowing. She already seems lost to us forever.
I am glad that in the past few days before she went back to the ICU, I was able to take care of her, show her that we all care for her, and try and make her as comfortable as possible. She was the best of moms to both her sons and she did so much, so willingly for them. I am glad we had the opportunity of giving at least something back to her, although it was very insignificant.
I am just praying for a peaceful time for her whatever might come in the next few hours and days.
How sad is this for her. I cannot imagine why anyone would think this an appropriate thing to mete out to her, even if it is God. She has always helped others in whatever way she could. I don't think she deserves a time like this. Yesterday I went to see her in the ICU, we called out her name several times but she didn't respond. I had hardened myself for the worse a few weeks ago, and still, I wanted to cry. Her plight was tearing at my heart. So many pipes and tubes and that oxygen mask on her face and she was just lying there, oblivious to everything.
Yesterday, when I saw her lying there, I remembered the first time I saw her, she had cut out this big watermelon for me, my mom and sis when Subhash took us home en route to a friend's place. Later, several years past, she told me, he had never got any girl home till then so she knew I must be someone she was going to have a long association with. She was always very active, hated sitting back and letting others work, always wanted to help and felt hopelessly guilty when she could not help in spite of wanting to because of her weakness. Today, I remember a lot of things about her, our long phone conversations, how she shared everything that bothered her all her life with me. My father in law would never let her say anything negative about anyone and so wouldn't her sons. So whatever she needed to vent, she did with her sister and all that and some more with me. I wonder, is there something she wants to say to me now? I have no way of knowing. She already seems lost to us forever.
I am glad that in the past few days before she went back to the ICU, I was able to take care of her, show her that we all care for her, and try and make her as comfortable as possible. She was the best of moms to both her sons and she did so much, so willingly for them. I am glad we had the opportunity of giving at least something back to her, although it was very insignificant.
I am just praying for a peaceful time for her whatever might come in the next few hours and days.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Sad.
Somehow when a tragedy occurs, it is another piece of news till it involves someone you know.
The Carlton Towers mishap was just another piece of news. Sad. But not personal.
Next morning a colleague sent an email saying his friend was one of the 9 who died and I was feeling sad about it.
This morning I logged into Facebook after almost a week and I saw a colleague joined a Facebook community for someone who is no more. I checked and figured it was her husband :( And a quick Google search showed that it was the Carlton Towers mishap that was responsible for it. Put two and two together and I figured out that the friend my colleague was talking about was this same guy.
I felt even sadder. I knew this girl. Very nice and charming. It is one thing to be in anticipation that someone will pass (whether it be because of a long suffering ailment or some such reason). But it is another thing when you leave home together in the morning and one never comes back :( I felt so awful all morning today. Somehow I couldn't take it. Such a freak accident. Such a deep loss. I have no words.
I think we as human beings are conditioned to react to tragedy differently based on how it touches our lives. It is sad but true.
And now apparently a Tsunami is going to hit Hawai'i and to some extent the Bay Area. I hope everyone comes out fine from this [-o<
The Carlton Towers mishap was just another piece of news. Sad. But not personal.
Next morning a colleague sent an email saying his friend was one of the 9 who died and I was feeling sad about it.
This morning I logged into Facebook after almost a week and I saw a colleague joined a Facebook community for someone who is no more. I checked and figured it was her husband :( And a quick Google search showed that it was the Carlton Towers mishap that was responsible for it. Put two and two together and I figured out that the friend my colleague was talking about was this same guy.
I felt even sadder. I knew this girl. Very nice and charming. It is one thing to be in anticipation that someone will pass (whether it be because of a long suffering ailment or some such reason). But it is another thing when you leave home together in the morning and one never comes back :( I felt so awful all morning today. Somehow I couldn't take it. Such a freak accident. Such a deep loss. I have no words.
I think we as human beings are conditioned to react to tragedy differently based on how it touches our lives. It is sad but true.
And now apparently a Tsunami is going to hit Hawai'i and to some extent the Bay Area. I hope everyone comes out fine from this [-o<
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Ohh come on, not again!
Another bad bout of a disease called cold. Another family member in the hospital. What is with the world now?
I seem to be doomed to being surrounded by bad news :( And COLD! Every time I travel somewhere it comes back like its missing me so much. And this time its been so bad, I can't even call it the "common cold" anymore. Its drained out the energy completely off me and I feel like some empty bottle. I had to go to work last couple of days, so I did. How I managed to, I know not. Today was a meeting-free day so I stayed home. And slept through the morning like some desperate person who hasn't slept in years! Of course, one of my colleagues literally threatened me to not go to work today but that is a different matter :) She was most upset that I was still hanging around at work after she saw my face last evening ;) She is sweet like that usually :) Its always nice to have someone boss over you for good reasons. Subhash has been asking me every morning to work from home and I have been saying no, I got to go, for so and so meeting, for such and such interview and what not. Today I finally got my break.
And what kind of break. I can't eat anything because I can't taste it. I very honestly believe in not eating anything when I can't enjoy how it tastes ;) Why stuff all the calories in when you aren't even having fun doing it? Right? Well, sadly so. Another colleague (lets call him K Sir, since he is much senior and quite awesome) has just come back from Germany and brought me the "Lindt Orange Intense Excellence" chocolate that I so trained him to remember and get the name right. And today was the one day I was working from home. Sigh! Always the wrong time!
And the familial bad news. My mom's sister's husband passed away couple weeks ago. After I've come back to India, I've seen my Dad in the hospital and then Subhash's mom. And now this. And my Dad's brother has been in bad shape. We checked on him this last weekend and he was looking like there is hope for recovery, so I am sincerely wishing he does.
Other than this general mess in my life, there is the bomb blasts and people dying. And the natural disasters and people dying :( I am now beginning to hope that this is not some kind of sign that the world will be coming to an end soon.
And of course that I am rid of my cold for at least the next 2 months! Please, 2 months of cold-free life is all I want now. Not that great expectations, no?
I seem to be doomed to being surrounded by bad news :( And COLD! Every time I travel somewhere it comes back like its missing me so much. And this time its been so bad, I can't even call it the "common cold" anymore. Its drained out the energy completely off me and I feel like some empty bottle. I had to go to work last couple of days, so I did. How I managed to, I know not. Today was a meeting-free day so I stayed home. And slept through the morning like some desperate person who hasn't slept in years! Of course, one of my colleagues literally threatened me to not go to work today but that is a different matter :) She was most upset that I was still hanging around at work after she saw my face last evening ;) She is sweet like that usually :) Its always nice to have someone boss over you for good reasons. Subhash has been asking me every morning to work from home and I have been saying no, I got to go, for so and so meeting, for such and such interview and what not. Today I finally got my break.
And what kind of break. I can't eat anything because I can't taste it. I very honestly believe in not eating anything when I can't enjoy how it tastes ;) Why stuff all the calories in when you aren't even having fun doing it? Right? Well, sadly so. Another colleague (lets call him K Sir, since he is much senior and quite awesome) has just come back from Germany and brought me the "Lindt Orange Intense Excellence" chocolate that I so trained him to remember and get the name right. And today was the one day I was working from home. Sigh! Always the wrong time!
And the familial bad news. My mom's sister's husband passed away couple weeks ago. After I've come back to India, I've seen my Dad in the hospital and then Subhash's mom. And now this. And my Dad's brother has been in bad shape. We checked on him this last weekend and he was looking like there is hope for recovery, so I am sincerely wishing he does.
Other than this general mess in my life, there is the bomb blasts and people dying. And the natural disasters and people dying :( I am now beginning to hope that this is not some kind of sign that the world will be coming to an end soon.
And of course that I am rid of my cold for at least the next 2 months! Please, 2 months of cold-free life is all I want now. Not that great expectations, no?
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Sad sad day
My parents were visiting this weekend. When they left for my cousins' place this evening, I felt really sad. I wished they would stay longer. But more than that, I felt heavy because both my mom and dad are beginning to show their age. I want to keep them with me always so I can see them around me and rest assured that all is well. What would I not give to see them young and "pink" again! But age is something we all have to come to terms with. Meanwhile Subhash's mom is not keeping well at all and has had immense trouble this last week with her teeth. All this makes me feel angry. Why should anyone suffer? Why? Tsk..I feel sad. So I got thinking about an ideal life for me at this point. My parents and Subhash's parents living with us and we being one big family.
Just when I was drifting off in thoughts like this, Subhash called from the middle of his Squash game telling me to check the news for the Ahmedabad blasts. What?! Blasts in another town now? I was not sure how to react to the Bangalore blasts to begin with. And there was news of one being diffused just today @ the Forum Mall, which we go by very often:( The first of the blasts yesterday was pretty close to our place @ Madiwala. Should I be sad? Should I be angry? Should I fear for my life now? Should I avoid crowded places? What the bloody hell am I supposed to feel?
And I cannot believe the ineptitude of the people in control. As usual Manmohan Singh and Sonia Gandhi issued generic statements. But really has this useless Congress-run alliance done anything better/other than condemning? Stupid morons. I wish someone would blow Sonia's house so then all the jokers in Congress would wake up and try to catch the culprits for once instead of issuing statements written and dictated by someone else. I usually don't like to swear but I want to use the choicest of abuse in honour of our esteemed politicians. The last month I have seen extreme callousness from them. First the J&K riots. Now this.
What really surprises me is that every one around in the news is talking about people being vigilant. Mumbai is on high-alert. Hyderabad is on high-alert. OK. I am vigilant. I find someone carrying something suspicious and leave it at some crowded place. I immediately want to inform the authorities. But who should I call on an emergency basis? I am not so sure our 100 numbers work so well. Why don't the stupid people in-charge create some hotlines and use this omni-present media to advertise it so I know who to call when I am vigilant and actually see something suspicious. Now that would make the media also more useful for once wouldn't it? But no, everyone talks of investigations and being vigilant and all the standard crap, but I don't see anything being done to facilitate such vigilance. Sigh! I usually hate ineptitude but now I feel sad about it. I am hoping that no one else dies anywhere else. That is all I can do for now.
[Choicest abuses again]
Just when I was drifting off in thoughts like this, Subhash called from the middle of his Squash game telling me to check the news for the Ahmedabad blasts. What?! Blasts in another town now? I was not sure how to react to the Bangalore blasts to begin with. And there was news of one being diffused just today @ the Forum Mall, which we go by very often:( The first of the blasts yesterday was pretty close to our place @ Madiwala. Should I be sad? Should I be angry? Should I fear for my life now? Should I avoid crowded places? What the bloody hell am I supposed to feel?
And I cannot believe the ineptitude of the people in control. As usual Manmohan Singh and Sonia Gandhi issued generic statements. But really has this useless Congress-run alliance done anything better/other than condemning? Stupid morons. I wish someone would blow Sonia's house so then all the jokers in Congress would wake up and try to catch the culprits for once instead of issuing statements written and dictated by someone else. I usually don't like to swear but I want to use the choicest of abuse in honour of our esteemed politicians. The last month I have seen extreme callousness from them. First the J&K riots. Now this.
What really surprises me is that every one around in the news is talking about people being vigilant. Mumbai is on high-alert. Hyderabad is on high-alert. OK. I am vigilant. I find someone carrying something suspicious and leave it at some crowded place. I immediately want to inform the authorities. But who should I call on an emergency basis? I am not so sure our 100 numbers work so well. Why don't the stupid people in-charge create some hotlines and use this omni-present media to advertise it so I know who to call when I am vigilant and actually see something suspicious. Now that would make the media also more useful for once wouldn't it? But no, everyone talks of investigations and being vigilant and all the standard crap, but I don't see anything being done to facilitate such vigilance. Sigh! I usually hate ineptitude but now I feel sad about it. I am hoping that no one else dies anywhere else. That is all I can do for now.
[Choicest abuses again]
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