Thursday, October 09, 2008

Domestic abuse and feministic pride

Beginning of last week my maid came home in the morning looking a little down. Not her usual cheerful self. I asked her what the matter was and she said that her husband had beat her the previous weekend.

She was going to her hometown and was off that weekend. Apparently she had asked her husband to be ready by the time she came home so that they can leave in the evening and come back the next day. But by the time she got home he was not ready and for whatever reason (I don't know what transpired between them) he beat her and told her that she can leave their almost-1-year-old daughter and go away from their house. I told her that everyone needs everyone else around them when you are in a family. I asked her to come stay with us for a couple of days and see how her husband manages. Basically tried to tell her not to worry because her husband needed her more than she needed him.

The next day she came to work, she was back to her normal self. I asked her how things were and she said that her husband had pacified her and smothered her. How? I asked. She told me how she said to her husband that she would stop going to work from the next day and how he had promised her that he would never beat her again and convinced her to go to work and assured her that he would take care of her very well from now on.

Now, I am not a big fan of women demanding respect because they "are now earning". Because somewhere that implicitly shows that they are fine with their spouses treating them like dirt when they don't earn, which is even more dangerously lacking in self-respect. However that maybe, in her case I was glad she showed at least some muscle. And probably something like self-respect and human dignity for women and all the other good stuff wouldn't have made much sense to her husband anyway ;)

All in all I am glad for her.


Shilpa said...

I think with abusers, its a never ending loop. And not standing up to them only reinforces them. If he is an abuser, he will NOT change his ways. His bad behavior will keep rearing his ugly head time and again. And she being the kind she is, will keep forgiving him. And it's not even about her being poor, I know a lot of educated, well to do women who wouldnt move on.
You hit your wife once and you ARE an abuser. Nothing should make people hit each other, if they are the normal sort.

Rupa said...

I agree with you. I cannot stand anybody who disrespect women.
But I'm glad that financial independence brought her much needed confidence.....Its quite a sad state....women being oppressed. And trust me it exists in all the levels of society...just that its not very apparent...and I feel nice that she put her foot down....

DivSu said...

@Shilpa and @Rupa

Totally agree with you guys..

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