The other day I told both dads to bring Mint leaves when they go for their customary evening walk the next day. They were just back from the day's walk and I kept forgetting to tell them since a few days. I said we could make mint chutney to go with the bread for sandwiches. Both of them got ready to leave again. It took me nearly five minutes to convince my Dad that it is OK to go the next day while he came in to the kitchen to pick up a bag to go shopping. Finally he agreed to not go then and went to tell my father in law. But what do you know! My father in law was already at the store. So my Dad followed and they both shopped and came back.
Then my father in law said, "I thought you wanted to eat that so I got it - now you can have it tomorrow morning itself. Else if you don't want to eat it by the day-after, then what?" I was so moved.
I always did believe that marrying well is important in life, not just a good guy but a good family as well. Because end of the day it adds to the stress if you cannot get along well with the entire family. I knew that as long as the family I married into were reasonably broad-minded, we could make a hit together and Subhash's parents have always been much more than that. I've always had the greatest thankfulness to them for contributing in a very large part to the happiness of our marriage. One other thing I always believed, was that if at 25, my ideas and individuality were so stubborn that they cannot warrant any change for anyone, then at 60, their ideas must be allowed to be doubly so - stubborn and rigid. But despite of that, if they can adjust to us and our generation, we can always go that extra step and try to do the same. Maybe it is a little bit of both, but it has worked very well for all of us so far. I hope it always stays this way.
One mint chutney led to a lot of retrospection the other day!
Then my father in law said, "I thought you wanted to eat that so I got it - now you can have it tomorrow morning itself. Else if you don't want to eat it by the day-after, then what?" I was so moved.
I always did believe that marrying well is important in life, not just a good guy but a good family as well. Because end of the day it adds to the stress if you cannot get along well with the entire family. I knew that as long as the family I married into were reasonably broad-minded, we could make a hit together and Subhash's parents have always been much more than that. I've always had the greatest thankfulness to them for contributing in a very large part to the happiness of our marriage. One other thing I always believed, was that if at 25, my ideas and individuality were so stubborn that they cannot warrant any change for anyone, then at 60, their ideas must be allowed to be doubly so - stubborn and rigid. But despite of that, if they can adjust to us and our generation, we can always go that extra step and try to do the same. Maybe it is a little bit of both, but it has worked very well for all of us so far. I hope it always stays this way.
One mint chutney led to a lot of retrospection the other day!
5 comments:
And what to do if guy isn't good but in-laws are nice ?????
@Anonymous - Ahh, that is a tough one! ;)
To have both set of parents under one roof
A) Marry into same religion or caste/faith
B)Have them speak same regional language
C)Have an understanding husband
D) Have both set of parents that have no egos
E) Have every one like same kind of food and eating habits
No wonder parents advocated on arranged marriage ,where atleast A B and E will be taken care of
The more I think about the complex nature of relationships more I am convinced that the adjustments have to happen at the individual levels and much less at the level of a family, an office or larger groups. Life brings strange people together and unless all individuals shed their mind-set and make a few adjustments it becomes unmanageable. I am glad that I have been able to make these adjustments and continue to live peacefully in all sorts of circumstances. Fortunately other individuals like Mr Rama Rao(my daugher's father-in-law)have also tolerated me...
Mr.Prasad - Well said. I refer to that as 'harmony'. you make peace with your surroundings to have a peaceful life. "The human being is the central mystery of the universe holding the key to all other mysteries. - the upanishads"
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