Monday, December 19, 2011

Many thoughts

The past few weeks was a whirl of activity. Going to Hyd for the last rites of Subhash's mom, then coming back, doing some pujas at home, settling back down into routine, Rohan falling sick, then breaking his nose and lips etc etc.

He fell flat on his face when a mattress which was propped up against the wall fell on him when he was with his back to it. Not sure what transpired, the dad and son were upstairs, but almost 99% sure that he went and gave it a nudge or something. Subhash got him down and by then his nose and mouth were streaming blood, and it was a horrible sight to watch. We took him to the ped near our house and she said, since he is not letting her examine him, to wait, give him some ice, and watch if the bleeding persists and then show him to an ENT doc. The bleeding stopped after 10 minutes and he also fell asleep but his face was fully disfigured what with the upper lip being super swollen and the nose likewise. Lip got back into shape in 2 days but nose is still swollen. We took him to his regular ped this Saturday and he said nose looks ok and so does lip. No fracture of nasal bone and that the nature of injury will cause his nose to remain swollen for at least 2 weeks. Its been a week now, got to wait and watch for another week. Kids, and their injuries, it nearly makes the heart leap out of the body and bleed. My little baby!

He again has a runny nose. He keeps getting this every 15 days, and at least now we found a good medicine which controls it quickly, so at least he doesn't end up throwing up food for weeks together. Still, coughing through the night, not sleeping, not letting us sleep etc, gets a bit much to handle.

Sometimes still cannot come to terms that Subhash's mom is no more. Somehow it feels she is someplace else. When I think about the fact that she is not alive anymore, somehow it feels very surreal, as if it is something that is not possible, sometimes it is shocking, sometimes it feels final. Yesterday, an old friend of theirs had come home (his wife also died in Manipal nearly a year ago, succumbing to a neuro complication made worse by her ERD as well), and when her last days were being discussed, it filled me with sadness. For the first time in almost a month, I was close to tears again. The confusion of not knowing where she is or what she is doing, if she is able to see/hear us etc is sometimes bothersome. But at least I feel better in the fact that when she was still around and able to listen, I made my peace with her, she was happy to be with me, happy for everything I did for her, accepted my good-bye and died knowing that I'd take care of his Dad, acknowledged it with her tears, precious and hard to come by in those last few hours. Sometimes I think this peace is the only thing that keeps me from going insane over her death.


Anonymous said...

Is he into famous tantrums of 2 year olds?

DivSu said...

Surprisingly, no :)

Anonymous said...

ohh must have been v tough on the work front as wellhope u see brighter days in the new yr... :-(

DivSu said...

Luckily work was ok. I managed to manage ;)

Vyshnavi said...

Hi Divya, visiting your blog after a long time. I was so glad to meet you the other day at GHC.

Very sorry to hear about Subhash's mom :( My deepest condolences to all of you. I hope time gives you strength to bear the loss.

Rohan's accident sounds scary. I hope he is doing better now!

Take care, and hope 2012 is much better :)

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