One year!!

The time ticker says "Rohan is 1 year old! Congratulations"

I think congratulations it should be. It has been a..hmm..I cannot find the exact word..hands-full one year!

Today I was trying to think of events one year ago and all I could remember was the nervousness and the pain. I feel guilty that I didn't "enjoy" my entry to motherhood as much as I am "supposed" to. I went through an elective C-Section, and I was completely nervous of going through the knife and I was in absolute pain afterward, unable to even sit up to eat. And the smell of that soap in Cradle, reminds me of those painful days I spent in that place when the son was born. Although my doc made me climb up four flights of stairs a mere 4 hours after the surgery, I didn't really get back my mind to the normal state until maybe 2-3 months after (the C-Sec pains took that much to go away too, since I didn't take any pain-killers). When Subhash's brother was visiting India less than a month, he did make that observation to me, saying, you don't quite seem yourself yet, and not sure if anyone else noticed it or not, but he was bang on.

So in short, the first three or four months were spent trying to get my life back to pre-son. I wanted to do the same things and feel the same way that I did before he was born. Slowly but surely I did. And then, I began to enjoy the son. He was a very well-behaved baby always and never gave me much trouble but being a first time mom has its learning curve.

Handling a one-month old infant all by myself through the day was an experience. It made me grow 10 years in age, gave me a lot of nerves and in general was a tough time. When I look back at it, I wonder why, though. He was totally on mom's milk, always used to sleep in exactly the same position as I'd leave him in, never used to cry unless he was either hungry or sleepy and in general was the most super non-fussy baby. Today, when he walks around and gives me a tough time to eat, I realize what a cake-walk the first few months were!

But then it was no fun. It was all one-way. I used to talk to him. Sing to him. Play songs on the phone and dance for him. But from his end, it was all looks and taking the scene in. No reciprocation or acknowledgment. Only after the third month, he started to respond with a smile here and a nod there and then started the fun. And in many ways, the bonding too.

Then I started work. And it was as if I had another baby to take care of. It was tough. But again, when I look back at it now, I wonder why. It couldn't have been tough when all he did was watch me while playing on his back with his toys. Today when he pounces on the laptop and wants to cook with me in the kitchen, I think, that was a piece of cake!

Slowly and surely he grew. From rolling over, to sitting up, to crawling, to having his head shaved, to standing on his own, to nervously making steps, to walking, to stepping out of the house on his own for his evening walks, he came a long way. And I came a long way too.

And I am waiting for him to start talking and reach a level where we can have a decent conversation. (We already treat him like an adult at home). Then I think, I'd have lots of fun. Ohh, and also when he can go out and eat with me. Then we'd be able to have some fun times! Share all the fun that comes from eating exotic food!

Work is getting very busy now (a super challenging area to deal with plus a release to work on!). Since I am doing a release, the US calls have come back to haunt and I am at the job almost 24X5 (I try to keep the weekends to the minimal, just checking emails etc). Subhash's parents have rallied around us and I think I should be really grateful to them for taking him off my hands for most part when I needed to work. They leave shortly and I think the next 6 weeks or so before he gets into a daycare (Cisco's is not open yet!) will be a challenge worth living through!

Subhash and I have survived this year. And I think from now on it will be easy. For the first time in my life ever, I was finding myself complaining about how women have to do all the work. I was a person who never used to let Subhash move a limb at all. I'd tell him, why do two people need to do work that one person can do easily. And I'd also tell him that I'd do all this work even if I was alone, so he didn't really owe me anything. Unfortunately the logic and reasoning in both cases didn't hold once the son entered the foray and so Subhash, I believe, ended up confused at my new persona. I never used to like it when he did work earlier. Now I was not liking it if he didn't. I have to give him credit. He bore me out with as much patience as I have ever seen anyone capable of having.

I am 2.5 KG away from that almost-looks-unreachable pre-pregnancy weight. I have changed my diet habits (hopefully for the better), exercise at least 5 times a week and in general try to stick to a fit routine in spite of whatever else happens. Subhash says I should chuck the work out and sleep that extra time, but I think I'd be feeling really awful if I didn't workout. So I do. Hand weights, running, aerobics (at home) are in to stay. I am looking for a good pool close to home so I can start swimming. It is the least injury-prone work-out for me.

Yesterday we had a party for him. As usual, he was the most well behaved. We went there, he played for some time, then he was sleepy and so got a little bit cranky, I fed him and he slept right away. Right when he had to cut the cake!! And he slept so well, that no matter what we did, he didn't wake up. So we cut the cake and had all the fun, and he woke up right after all the cake was distributed. We made him cut whatever was left and then he generally rolled on the dance floor and played with whatever new thing came his way (including torn balloons!) and generally was so quiet that I had to look for him. No crankiness from all that noise! There was one point where my friend wanted to hand him his gift and I was looking at everyone's arms to see who was carrying him and there he was sitting right behind me on the dance floor! He is really a darling like that.

Tonight last year, Subhash, me and the son spent our first night together @ Cradle. I spent it in pain, with a baby to feed. The staff told us to not space the feed @ more than three hours at a stretch. So we actually put alarms through the night, woke up, I fed the baby, he changed the nappy, slept back, after having the next alarm set to three hours later. For the past six months, we have been letting the son sleep with us just because it is so much joy to have him cuddle against us. From there to now, the ride has transformed into a joyous one!

I now feel I have my life back. With one great addition to it.

And so, here is wishing the son many more happy years to come. And here is looking forward to finding a friend and companion in my son!