India and the US

No, not a post on international polity, sorry to disappoint :)

I have gotten a lot of remarks (sometimes with smirks) after the baby, about how I am in India and how I have things easy and why I should not complain.

Well, I beg to differ.

There are pros and cons as with everything. Only I am glad that the cons are far too little to match up to the pros.

The only con in fact is with expectations. If I was in the US, I'd have my mom or his mom come over and stay with us till their I-94 expired. Which is 6 months. And considering that I was going about my house work as usual, cooking as I would normally do till my mom came over (less than a month before I was due), I could have maximized this 6-month-I-94 benefit by asking whoever was coming for help to come in the very last week. No issues. This would have ensured I had some help at home with the baby etc till at least he was 5.5 months old :)

Now that I am in India, I am "expected" to go to my parents' place for delivery. Well, I decided not to. Mainly because they live in another town and traveling one week before I was due was a strict no-no. And I couldn't have gone anytime earlier since I didn't want to use my maternity leave before the baby actually came and I wanted to save all of it for later. Everyone said, but why are you not going. I had to explain to everyone. Well, not a big deal.

After the baby, we went to Hyd, spent a week each at my parents and his parents. And came back. AND CAME BACK!! Everyone was aghast to hear our decision to come back to Bangalore that early. Why are you going? How will you manage? Some relatives even went so far as to ask if everything was OK between me and my parents and why I came back so early. And the explanation that I gave "I want to live with my husband" was simply not understood. Even Subhash's parents said how he has to get used to it and how it will be difficult for me so I shouldn't go and so on. Subhash was like why the hell should I get used to not living with my wife and baby?! He asked his mom and his mom didn't really have an answer. His parents were under tremendous societal pressure because they "allowed" their son and daughter in law to leave with the grandson. How could they do it?!? How did they allow it? Well, if I were in the US, I could have lived with my husband all the same and no one would have batted an eyelid. Because parents going over to kids' homes for delivery is the "accepted" way for deliveries outside India.

Well, anyway, we came back and I managed. Quite well at that I can safely say now.

If I was in the US, I'd never have to manage a one-month old baby alone like this Yet, people say I have it easy.

So I will go one up on them and actually agree. But not because of what they think or the way they say it.

Now to the pros. You get help. Hired help. There is a lot if basic support system built in. I was able to manage the baby and cooking and packing off husband to work etc because I didn't have to scrub and clean and vacuum and do the dishes and so on.

Plus when my mom or his mom came home (before the delivery and afterward), they didn't have to "help" me with household chores. They didn't have to do the dishes, clean the house etc. They always had a maid who would bring them what they needed, cut vegetables, take care of washing clothes, doing the dishes etc. I ensured this and I can say happily and quite safely that they have it nice when they are here. My mom never lets me cook when she is around so except for that everything else was and is taken care of.

So that way, yes, my parents or his didn't have to come to run our house for us. They just had to come to share in our happiness and at best help with and entertain the grand-kid. In that way, I am overjoyed that I am in India. I am happy that neither my parents nor his have to slog for us at this age and even after all these years.


Anyways, so next time you simply say "Hey, but you are in India", just think about it for a few more seconds :)

PS - I've got a lot of comments citing examples of people managing even in the US. That is not the point of this post. The point is different. If I was in the US, I could have had the advantage of having help while living with my husband, and no one would have questioned it. I am saying that because I am in India, I have had to hear pretty weird things because I decided to live with my husband even if it meant managing alone. Which is why I said, the difficulty about being in India is to deal with the "Expectations" :) That is all.