Prelogue: If you can't make much of the following post, its probably not your fault. If you can, then you are probably like me!
Ever been in a situation where you are carrying multiple layers of regret all at the same time till you are in a state where you cannot distinguish which one you feel more regret for, the root cause or is after effects or its cascades?
One such day today. I am a total mess mentally and feel completely burdened under my own mis-doings. And adding to that, I feel that I totally deserved this torture.
I have been in this situation before.
Something that I totally regret is done. Whether or not its my own fault. Or that of the situation that I was in. Or that of people around me. Whether or not I actually did it. This regrettable thing which is especially prickly is done. While I am still trying to recover from that regret, I go and do something that achieves the nett effect of taking this regrettable thing and putting it into a 1000W speaker, so that now the regret is magnified and pricks a 1000 times more. Sometimes this process repeats a couple or three times.
Then I have this tendency where if someone I highly respect and seek to be always respected by will say something to the effect of "Ohh, you shouldn't have done that". Nicely. Regrettably. Not so nicely. Sometimes not in as many words, sometimes in more words than that. But how its said doesn't even matter. Now lets get on. How many DBs do we have. Heck, I can't even count this in any measurable units. So lets call it the big bang. 2-3 times 1000W speaker effect plus another big-bang type effect. Almost always, the big bang is the worst part (obviously!)
Thats it.
Now I am regretting the regrettable thing. Plus I am regretting the 1000W speaker effect that I created myself. (Remember, sometimes its 2-3 speakers in serial iterations). Plus I am constantly hearing the big bang.
Which in turn affects everything I do. I try to keep my work immune from it. But sometimes it has everything to do with work, something regrettable has happened at work itself :( Whether or not I did it.
Usually I get over it in a couple of days. But that is the problem. I never seem to learn the lesson. Which in turn keeps me going through these phases ever so often, damn! To make a mistake is forgivable, to repeat the same mistake is not.
Maybe after I post this, in a couple of days, I will regret posting a blog about my mental state and that will re-kindle this effect. But then maybe it will be a reminding lesson and I will be the better off for it.
Maybe. Just maybe.
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Sunday, May 04, 2008
India
One of my colleagues asked me how my move was working out. In a nutshell. And this is what I told him:
India, needless to say, has developed a lot. I see a lot more US factor (like US brands and shops and restaurants) here than I would like to, but that is OK. Things move much faster now. We had a smooth ride setting up our house, it wasn't as much pain as it would have been probably 8 years ago. You get a lot of household help and outside help (like someone washes/cleans our car everyday, you can get a chauffeur etc) so as long as you are above a certain income level, you can live a lot more comfortably than if you were making a quarter million bucks back there.
Which is my opinion. In a nutshell. We went to a store called "Hometown" which is like a home improvement/development store. And the sort of stuff you get there and the kind of things you see there are mindblowing. I haven't seen a variety like that even in IKEA/Home Depot. Modular kitchens, designer bedrooms and what not. Urban India has developed. Beyond imagination. You couldn't have imagined this even 5 years ago. Sometimes when I see the cities, I wish I had never left. I almost feel sad that I have missed witnessing all this explosion. But better late than later.
I also look at today's kids and exclaim in awe. They grow up with things that I never saw till I was well into my twenties. Whether its appliances or cell phones or XBOX consoles or whatever it is, they are well into technology I never knew about till I was a decade past my teens ;) But then I think it was probably the same thing with our parents and us. They would have been surprised as much as we are I suppose.
And life goes on..
India, needless to say, has developed a lot. I see a lot more US factor (like US brands and shops and restaurants) here than I would like to, but that is OK. Things move much faster now. We had a smooth ride setting up our house, it wasn't as much pain as it would have been probably 8 years ago. You get a lot of household help and outside help (like someone washes/cleans our car everyday, you can get a chauffeur etc) so as long as you are above a certain income level, you can live a lot more comfortably than if you were making a quarter million bucks back there.
Which is my opinion. In a nutshell. We went to a store called "Hometown" which is like a home improvement/development store. And the sort of stuff you get there and the kind of things you see there are mindblowing. I haven't seen a variety like that even in IKEA/Home Depot. Modular kitchens, designer bedrooms and what not. Urban India has developed. Beyond imagination. You couldn't have imagined this even 5 years ago. Sometimes when I see the cities, I wish I had never left. I almost feel sad that I have missed witnessing all this explosion. But better late than later.
I also look at today's kids and exclaim in awe. They grow up with things that I never saw till I was well into my twenties. Whether its appliances or cell phones or XBOX consoles or whatever it is, they are well into technology I never knew about till I was a decade past my teens ;) But then I think it was probably the same thing with our parents and us. They would have been surprised as much as we are I suppose.
And life goes on..
Thursday, May 01, 2008
Random scribbles
This is one post that will stand true to my blog's name ;)
Week went quite routinely. Some customer escalation at work and it always spices things up, whether or not you have anything to do with it, you get burnt proper ;)
Been getting used to having a maid. I started giving her goodies this week. Some sweets, some biscuits etc. Also a plus of having them is that the trash is cleaned out everyday! For some reason I never realized I loathed piling trash so much till I am having it cleaned everyday :))
We finally got our TV. Subhash's parents shipped it out from Hyd. We got it home today. Yet to get cable etc. But at least the box is there. Its a huge downgrade for me (From 61" to 29" ;) ) but its OK. So long as I don't have to spend any money on it now I am fine. When I can get a 61" in India without having to loot a bank/murder for it, I will change this. Man, TVs are expensive here. Way way way more expensive than in the US. But couldn't really get the TV from there what with the whole NTSC/PAL disaster. Anyway enough about TVs.
We also had our first meal out per se today. I wanted to go out to eat. Except for really routine cafeteria food, I hadn't really gone out to eat (except for my birthday dinner in Hyd I think) with Subhash. But we went at 4 and all the restaurants and I should quote *all* the restaurants in Indira Nagar were closed:(( We settled for a Pizza Hut. I was only too happy because I haven't eaten a Desi Pizza in ages! Loved every bit of it. It was Spicy like it said. Subhash's IIM pal Y joined us for a chat. We hadn't met him since we came back. It was good catching up. The last time we met was when he came to San Jose and we took him to Napa. I think the highlight of our Pizza Hut meal was the Masala Lemonade. Yumm!! Just like on the streets!!
Subhash's parents are coming tomorrow. My mom was here briefly this week. She came for her friend's son's wedding. She couldn't spend that much time with us, but we are hoping my parents will be able to make it here soon as well :) I love how easy it is to go and meet family when you are here. Plus there is a constant stream of people you are interacting with at any time of the day. Good. So far, so good.
Enough scribbling. I was on call till midnight today, but it was a fun call so no complaints. I got to zzzzzzzzzzzz now because tomorrow is really filled with things to do, one of which is to apply for my PAN card. To pay income taxes of course, there is nothing to be happy about in that. But at least I pay back to my own country this time and not to Mr. Bush (which I totally loathed in the last 7 years, to think, *ALL* the time it was just Bush, damn!). I finally feel a sense of being a responsible citizen, a tax-paying individual and all that good stuff;)
Yay!!
Week went quite routinely. Some customer escalation at work and it always spices things up, whether or not you have anything to do with it, you get burnt proper ;)
Been getting used to having a maid. I started giving her goodies this week. Some sweets, some biscuits etc. Also a plus of having them is that the trash is cleaned out everyday! For some reason I never realized I loathed piling trash so much till I am having it cleaned everyday :))
We finally got our TV. Subhash's parents shipped it out from Hyd. We got it home today. Yet to get cable etc. But at least the box is there. Its a huge downgrade for me (From 61" to 29" ;) ) but its OK. So long as I don't have to spend any money on it now I am fine. When I can get a 61" in India without having to loot a bank/murder for it, I will change this. Man, TVs are expensive here. Way way way more expensive than in the US. But couldn't really get the TV from there what with the whole NTSC/PAL disaster. Anyway enough about TVs.
We also had our first meal out per se today. I wanted to go out to eat. Except for really routine cafeteria food, I hadn't really gone out to eat (except for my birthday dinner in Hyd I think) with Subhash. But we went at 4 and all the restaurants and I should quote *all* the restaurants in Indira Nagar were closed:(( We settled for a Pizza Hut. I was only too happy because I haven't eaten a Desi Pizza in ages! Loved every bit of it. It was Spicy like it said. Subhash's IIM pal Y joined us for a chat. We hadn't met him since we came back. It was good catching up. The last time we met was when he came to San Jose and we took him to Napa. I think the highlight of our Pizza Hut meal was the Masala Lemonade. Yumm!! Just like on the streets!!
Subhash's parents are coming tomorrow. My mom was here briefly this week. She came for her friend's son's wedding. She couldn't spend that much time with us, but we are hoping my parents will be able to make it here soon as well :) I love how easy it is to go and meet family when you are here. Plus there is a constant stream of people you are interacting with at any time of the day. Good. So far, so good.
Enough scribbling. I was on call till midnight today, but it was a fun call so no complaints. I got to zzzzzzzzzzzz now because tomorrow is really filled with things to do, one of which is to apply for my PAN card. To pay income taxes of course, there is nothing to be happy about in that. But at least I pay back to my own country this time and not to Mr. Bush (which I totally loathed in the last 7 years, to think, *ALL* the time it was just Bush, damn!). I finally feel a sense of being a responsible citizen, a tax-paying individual and all that good stuff;)
Yay!!
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