Today we concluded two days of religious ceremonies for my mother-in law's first month anniversary. One shanthi puja and two "masikams" as we call it. For the first one year, it is a monthly event. The adage is that the soul travels in steps (majilis) to its final destination and what we provide every month, makes for their meals at each step. I cannot believe that I've already gone from having dinner with her every single night to providing meals to her soul, so fast :(
After everything was done and the purohits left (they came in from Hyd), we just sat down, my father in law and I, and were thinking how it has already been a month, when we saw the time, it was exactly to the tee - 2.45 PM. One month ago (the Indian calendar's one month coincided with the Roman calendar's one month this time) on the same date and time, my mother in law passed away. Sometimes it feels very long ago, sometimes it feels like yesterday. Swinging emotions. It has been an eventful month for sure though, with lots of things happening, lots of things learnt, lots of things done. We feel like adults now, performing last rites and death-related rituals, with people coming and staying at our place etc. I was telling Subhash, we need to expand our inventory in terms of kitchen utensils and bedding, we have officially moved into my in-laws' league. Too early, too soon :(
One debate we have been having is whether or not we should do the monthly rituals at home. The first month and the 6+ month one are important, and except for those, Subhash's dad says (and rightfully), that it will be a lot of work to do it every month at home, we should just go to the nearby Raghavendra Mutt and do it there. But I want to do each of them at home. For a very special reason.
When my father in law's brother died, his sons did the monthly event at home, every single month. The older cousin is a CEO and the younger one is one of the top executives in his firm. Both busy, working guys. And my mother in law used to tell me that she felt so good seeing them doing the rituals at home every month. And she said this multiple times, over the few years it has been since. The older cousin got all the yearly dates ahead of time and would plan his travel around them (he travels a lot) so that he would be in town when the date came around. And I think she particularly loved it, that sons, who were so busy, in this age and time, took the time to do it this way. If my mother in law is indeed on the journey to her final destination (and that is what our belief system is), I am sure she will be happy, proud and content that her meals are also coming from home. So at least I have emulated the cousins in the first step, taken all the dates ahead of time and put them in my Outlook. Now I hope I have enough strength and favouring circumstances, so we can get this done properly, every single month, at home.
We see her in everything at home and sometimes it really tugs at the heart. I had to prepare the madi sarees yesterday and I only have silk ones so I had to pull out a couple of her sarees and both Subhash and I were sighing at the sight of all her clothes. Here was a person we were living with, day in and day out, talking to, looking at, eating with, and suddenly, it is just thin air, no person. I still look in the fridge every day and see that dabba of chutney that she made, and wonder where she is now. I have never experienced anything like it. Grandparents, uncles etc have died, but we never lived with them constantly, they were never part of our day to day routine so it was sad but in a distant sort of way. This, on the other hand, is right at home, affects our very daily routine and it is not easy to get a grip around it. For a long time to come, this is going to linger and hurt.
I hope you had a good and satisfying meal ma. Unfortunately, you are not around to tell me how much you loved it :(
After everything was done and the purohits left (they came in from Hyd), we just sat down, my father in law and I, and were thinking how it has already been a month, when we saw the time, it was exactly to the tee - 2.45 PM. One month ago (the Indian calendar's one month coincided with the Roman calendar's one month this time) on the same date and time, my mother in law passed away. Sometimes it feels very long ago, sometimes it feels like yesterday. Swinging emotions. It has been an eventful month for sure though, with lots of things happening, lots of things learnt, lots of things done. We feel like adults now, performing last rites and death-related rituals, with people coming and staying at our place etc. I was telling Subhash, we need to expand our inventory in terms of kitchen utensils and bedding, we have officially moved into my in-laws' league. Too early, too soon :(
One debate we have been having is whether or not we should do the monthly rituals at home. The first month and the 6+ month one are important, and except for those, Subhash's dad says (and rightfully), that it will be a lot of work to do it every month at home, we should just go to the nearby Raghavendra Mutt and do it there. But I want to do each of them at home. For a very special reason.
When my father in law's brother died, his sons did the monthly event at home, every single month. The older cousin is a CEO and the younger one is one of the top executives in his firm. Both busy, working guys. And my mother in law used to tell me that she felt so good seeing them doing the rituals at home every month. And she said this multiple times, over the few years it has been since. The older cousin got all the yearly dates ahead of time and would plan his travel around them (he travels a lot) so that he would be in town when the date came around. And I think she particularly loved it, that sons, who were so busy, in this age and time, took the time to do it this way. If my mother in law is indeed on the journey to her final destination (and that is what our belief system is), I am sure she will be happy, proud and content that her meals are also coming from home. So at least I have emulated the cousins in the first step, taken all the dates ahead of time and put them in my Outlook. Now I hope I have enough strength and favouring circumstances, so we can get this done properly, every single month, at home.
We see her in everything at home and sometimes it really tugs at the heart. I had to prepare the madi sarees yesterday and I only have silk ones so I had to pull out a couple of her sarees and both Subhash and I were sighing at the sight of all her clothes. Here was a person we were living with, day in and day out, talking to, looking at, eating with, and suddenly, it is just thin air, no person. I still look in the fridge every day and see that dabba of chutney that she made, and wonder where she is now. I have never experienced anything like it. Grandparents, uncles etc have died, but we never lived with them constantly, they were never part of our day to day routine so it was sad but in a distant sort of way. This, on the other hand, is right at home, affects our very daily routine and it is not easy to get a grip around it. For a long time to come, this is going to linger and hurt.
I hope you had a good and satisfying meal ma. Unfortunately, you are not around to tell me how much you loved it :(